Tuesday 23 June 2020

Leftover 2020 UKSC Puzzle

Here's a leftover puzzle from the 2020 UK Sudoku Championship.  I had thought to keep it in reserve for future years, but I think Sam has already seen it and he might want to take part.  Anyhow the reason this wasn't included was because Sam's puzzle was much better.  Not that this one is bad or anything though.  Enjoy!
    #344 Diagonal Sudoku – rated medium
All puzzles © Tom Collyer 2009-20.

Sunday 21 June 2020

Thoughts on my place in the puzzling community

This post is going to be a bit of an outpouring, in lieu of my withdrawal from the puzzling community for as long as it takes to get my mojo back.

Once upon a time the puzzling community represented a place I could go to be myself, a place that boosted my self-esteem and, as I grew in confidence, a place that I felt able to contribute towards in a meaningful way.  More recently it seems to be a place that represents personal frustration, conflict with others, a sense of being unappreciated and a feeling that I have to constantly explain myself, self-censor and reign myself in.  It's a place that I've realised is causing me a lot of personal trauma, and a place from which I would be better off taking an indefinite break from.

I have a number of wonderful friends from the puzzling community who I will, of course, stay in touch with, and for whose support I am very grateful for.  In that sense, great friends are great friends, regardless of them being half way around the world or of them also being part of the puzzling community.

The purpose of this post is not to point fingers or apportion any blame.  Indeed, I am aware that I am at fault in any number of way, and that also a lot of this is all in my head - the point is that none of that seems to be of any comfort to me.  The reason why I am writing this is to try and arrive at a place of peace with myself, by laying out some of my experiences as I see them, and to try to "show" my current state of mind rather than to "tell" or explain it.

Doing this in a public way may not seem like the best of ideas, but the way I see it is there is a certain comfort in propagating my thoughts out into the great ether, not knowing exactly who will see it, but perhaps being surprised by how people might react it to, be that in a positive or a negative way.  So I'm going to crack on regardless, with no other agenda, and if people are still offended then I'm done with caring about that - they don't get to dictate my interpretation of my experiences any more.

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